raw roughness of energies still incomplete - 
coincides with tight gripped perfectionist 
paralyzed as corpse

the idea of 'better to continue 
and explore n do'
keep wondering who I are, 
keep wondering about the world

even though so much is KNOWN, 
what is read and learned
slanted fairytale suicide novela 
(insert laugh here) 

so been realizing lately that yes 
i/I/eye irritate myself and 
everything all around also irritates
driven by an impatience of my choosing
instead of trusting and believing, 
trusting and believing 

sorted formulation of ideas that resonate
can be a crutch or a curtain of a 
false exaggerated dogma, 
or a liberation! 
if one sees themSelf in THAT 
(one can still laugh at themselves in that) 
wake up everyday, put on the costume for the day,
go out in the world n pretend to behave seriously, 
looking at 299,999 pieces of information per day...
is what it is 

you don't have to go out and do that though 
you can go and do whatever you want 
letting go of 'supposed to' and 
relationship with...ah, what is it? 

Not shadow...
voice in own head that 
i'm listening to and thinking 
'who is that?' 
some me i don't get along with 
someone who is not me 
i mean seeing self in a false way 
at awkward isolated worst 
as an incomplete thing 
while showing as something else 
why that duality in myself so deeply? 
so i can continue to see myself? 
and accept myself? 

when i ask that aloud shoulders relax, 
chest relaxes,
deep space behind heart relaxes, 
IS relaxing 
i keep saying that i am done with 
being at odds with myself 
prefer to be raw and unfinished 
non-formulation helps me stay present 

a practice of being non-formulated 
that's trippy. i don't know what that is yet 
and it's almost time to pick a word for the year, 
twenty14 the year of blank 
the life TBL(ived)