Mind attempts to hold on to a future not yet existing, expressed in a collection of materials and memories coupled with an unconscious desire to constrict in the name of comfort is what can also be labeled as fear or limitation of the experience of the unknown.
I spent yesterday in the beauty of small town Ojai. I am thoroughly enjoying secret hot springs off the roadside. A cute, plump woman celebrating her birthday stripped off her clothes and dipped into the warm sulphur waters with a slightly embarrassed giggle. Her husband followed. Nervously explaining this was her first visit ever to a natural hot springs, and it was only because they had picked up a hitchhiker who had told them about the unmarked sanctuary. 'Today for my birthday' she continued 'my wish was to do all new things, so we gave someone a ride and now we are here!'
Initially faking security-in-being into fully accepting that this new situation was resonating with them. Dismantling of fear before my eyes, I am enamored by the sweetness of this moment.
Later reflections on the day, my inner cynic arose. Nonsensical backlash of ego and comparison. Not accepting reality as perfect and in divine time. I cuddled my cynic self and accept it for its daft perception, making space for more love within.
As they drive off, I grin and imagine the amazing birthday sex these two will have tonight!
Rewrite:
Mind attempts to fly free into a future created, expressed in a collection of realizations coupled with a conscious desire to open in the name of discomfort is what can also be labeled as a fearless or limitless living the unknown.
14 September 2010
The richness of this journey may be calculated by the sheer experience of it, or the integration and connections made at a later time. I am experiencing both simultaneously, due to the activation of the energetic opposing forces of Burning Man and Bhaktifest.
Last summer was spent journeying with new family and getting a taste of the western progressive style of living. One friend in particular found me this year at Burning Man dancing in front of the Hookah Dome, my favorite camp, joined me to bounce around to middle eastern electronic grooves.
My intention for BM was to connect with someone. After a few rounds of hookah inside the dimly lit plush dome, we began to make out, at first a bit exploratory turning into fiery felines, playful and passionate. His rising is Leo, and his sun is guess what...Taurus. Three earthy bulls in a row now, ok Spirit, I am all ears!
The importance of standing centered and balanced is the ideal yogic state. Remaining unfathomed, unknowing of good or bad, just being the wisdom, a state of combined knowledge and experience. Disturbed becomes my practice at times when lessons arise for the choosing, depending on the willingness of me to make room for more love.
Deep soul psychedelic and surreal reflections arising to create a platform from which to soar as the unique being I am. That is what I see in this man. He is magnificent and soft, strong and aware. He is my 3rd manifestation of the Taurus, with added fire. Being born a year later, he doesn't retain the scattiness of the prior two, but definitely the exaggerated daredevil is well alive, his gorgeous form scattered with scabs and scars from skateboarding, rock climbing, and kayaking.
Presence of self becomes highly activated on the Playa, senses overwhelmed for a week straight. Only natural time exists. Sunday morning we woke for a sunrise visit to the Temple. Writings and photos dressed the structure with messages of loss, hope, forgiveness, and insight filling my heart as I search for a space to scribble my missive. Sharpie to wood, I write 'I release you with love and blessings/I position myself in the center of my power' meant to break energetic bonds and receive blessings.
Days of love quarantine and bliss shaking me back into reality as I feel my center shifting into stories, emotions oscillating, I lessen my worth beneath his. What has changed? We appeared as a long time couple to many who had met us. My mind in delirium from complimentary comments, forgetting the truth of this ship's newness, and me falling back in my pattern. Feeling each others' irritation, we broke after yoga class with so much a glance. Relieved breaths accompany my search to look for friends.
Ingrid appears hours later, blue eyes shining, in the middle of a crowd of yogis waiting for dinner. I express to her a longing for a collaboration, a working partnership. She is tired of standing and squats. I forward bend to meet her voice announcing 'the collaboration is with god!' I stand and laugh from my belly. She joins in the laughter. I bend over again. She smiles 'what?' I answer in foolish tone 'I forgot!!!'
Spreading out a blanket close enough to hear Krishna Das performing on main stage, he is delighting in my urge to share revelations. Offering observations and realizations, the ability to connect reactions with programming open and dissolve the energetic space between us. The space we hold for each other is nourishing and supportive, and surprisingly zero flinch occurred when he stated 'you are not what I imagined.' This is the reality of impermanence for me, and the creation of an expectation for him. Universe's reaction of earlier confessions of asking to connect with someone brought us together for this particular exercise, and in record timing! At one time, that realization would had cost weeks or months, now greatly reduced to the time it takes to drive from Miami to Orlando!
The idea to share a loving and conscious space. Remembering and learning simultaneously. The jedi ability to react with grace while dancing between the contractions and expansions with a lover - is a new experience. On this current level, we are for each other, possibly as a play testing ground theatre for even greater partnerships to come. We do not know what is to come and to be present with that reality is requiring fearless action in the motion of love supported by mama Gaia in complete trust to the unknown.
The earth sign of Taurus represents security and passion, it rules the throat, which allows us to create whatever we wish with our word.
Last summer was spent journeying with new family and getting a taste of the western progressive style of living. One friend in particular found me this year at Burning Man dancing in front of the Hookah Dome, my favorite camp, joined me to bounce around to middle eastern electronic grooves.
My intention for BM was to connect with someone. After a few rounds of hookah inside the dimly lit plush dome, we began to make out, at first a bit exploratory turning into fiery felines, playful and passionate. His rising is Leo, and his sun is guess what...Taurus. Three earthy bulls in a row now, ok Spirit, I am all ears!
The importance of standing centered and balanced is the ideal yogic state. Remaining unfathomed, unknowing of good or bad, just being the wisdom, a state of combined knowledge and experience. Disturbed becomes my practice at times when lessons arise for the choosing, depending on the willingness of me to make room for more love.
Deep soul psychedelic and surreal reflections arising to create a platform from which to soar as the unique being I am. That is what I see in this man. He is magnificent and soft, strong and aware. He is my 3rd manifestation of the Taurus, with added fire. Being born a year later, he doesn't retain the scattiness of the prior two, but definitely the exaggerated daredevil is well alive, his gorgeous form scattered with scabs and scars from skateboarding, rock climbing, and kayaking.
Presence of self becomes highly activated on the Playa, senses overwhelmed for a week straight. Only natural time exists. Sunday morning we woke for a sunrise visit to the Temple. Writings and photos dressed the structure with messages of loss, hope, forgiveness, and insight filling my heart as I search for a space to scribble my missive. Sharpie to wood, I write 'I release you with love and blessings/I position myself in the center of my power' meant to break energetic bonds and receive blessings.
Days of love quarantine and bliss shaking me back into reality as I feel my center shifting into stories, emotions oscillating, I lessen my worth beneath his. What has changed? We appeared as a long time couple to many who had met us. My mind in delirium from complimentary comments, forgetting the truth of this ship's newness, and me falling back in my pattern. Feeling each others' irritation, we broke after yoga class with so much a glance. Relieved breaths accompany my search to look for friends.
Ingrid appears hours later, blue eyes shining, in the middle of a crowd of yogis waiting for dinner. I express to her a longing for a collaboration, a working partnership. She is tired of standing and squats. I forward bend to meet her voice announcing 'the collaboration is with god!' I stand and laugh from my belly. She joins in the laughter. I bend over again. She smiles 'what?' I answer in foolish tone 'I forgot!!!'
Spreading out a blanket close enough to hear Krishna Das performing on main stage, he is delighting in my urge to share revelations. Offering observations and realizations, the ability to connect reactions with programming open and dissolve the energetic space between us. The space we hold for each other is nourishing and supportive, and surprisingly zero flinch occurred when he stated 'you are not what I imagined.' This is the reality of impermanence for me, and the creation of an expectation for him. Universe's reaction of earlier confessions of asking to connect with someone brought us together for this particular exercise, and in record timing! At one time, that realization would had cost weeks or months, now greatly reduced to the time it takes to drive from Miami to Orlando!
The idea to share a loving and conscious space. Remembering and learning simultaneously. The jedi ability to react with grace while dancing between the contractions and expansions with a lover - is a new experience. On this current level, we are for each other, possibly as a play testing ground theatre for even greater partnerships to come. We do not know what is to come and to be present with that reality is requiring fearless action in the motion of love supported by mama Gaia in complete trust to the unknown.
The earth sign of Taurus represents security and passion, it rules the throat, which allows us to create whatever we wish with our word.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)