Death woke me up this morning, or at least the thought of it. Crying into my fuzzy pillow, where empty filled up-spilled over into the maddening maniacal joy. I feel like the mantra is now chanting me. This magical Solstice portal window to empowerment is like Dorothy not having to click her heels anymore, for i have been home all along as the tapestry of my big vision weaves tighter right in front of my curiously mystified eye.

Ingrid told me to say 'yes' to everything. Every. Ting. And I was/am/are saying it YES to my dream seed that stretches waaaaay back with a healthy portion of depth n comedic distance...the great thing about being old is the ability to see the bubbles within the bubble. Cyclings of time closing n opening like cells in divine division...

Wouldn't you agree it's getting brighter up in here (pointing to heart)? There is no fear of darkness because you are bringing the light!?!  Soooo, when.are.we.doing.this?

It's the heart particle grandmother speak, upon hearing it, all the fibers melt 'get-it' laughing oneself to death at it's simplicity. So magnificently understandable and words are unavailable to describe it.

Absolve into the message of the deconstructed place where square pegs DO fit in round holes, where Earth is above and Sky is below. The pole shift is happening to our minds, our memory, which shoreline will be beach ourselves on following these electromagnetic stragglers?

Before words, life used to be psychedelic without any substances, until we put it in a box and labeled it.

Open Your Box.
Be Undefinable. 

Well here we are, the day of anticipation with various outcomes...what will the horrid news media say? I make up it is something like 'Meh.' I think it's important to look at the global intentional practice going on, the praying, the offering, the fortifying of a change of direction or outlook infinitely more positive for our future selves. 

What may be tested now (are you ready?) to be part of that? Sure you want something new? Which act will you drop? Which contribution to love will you make? Which weapons will you lay down, meltdown, repurpose into something else to worship?

I woke up to the alarm and i didn't do the planned thing. I tried to talk myself into it and i was unable to stir. I lay there dissolving, all my cells turning into light and air. I disappeared and felt no pain, followed by a great pain in the entire right leg. Throbbing as i recall the time when during a healing i had a vision of men in suits stepping down a spiral staircase, tears rolled silently down my cheeks and i thought...

'down with whitey' 

They know their purebread way is fucked, haHA! We are all mixed now. This is the end of the debutantes, dukes, and dominions of the chemical nuclear monkeymaker guillotiner of dreams. Self-serving, hurting, making impossible amounts of calculated zeroes on a screen, what is computer money exactly? Why is it given so much value, attention, and admiration? Why is the standard measure of success moneynstuff? I say we pull plug on false belief idoltry. 

Some believe monotony is the bees' knees, a whack version of security n comfort. 'As long as they don't take away my T.V. my best friend, he doesn't care how fat i get on gmo's and misinformation.'

Standing taller? Check

Click OK for your latest 3rdEyePhone update!

Time to de-plane (dimensions) 

The gate has changed, but your bags will be taken care of (low maniacal laugh) 

next stop! the dark void! 

If you have ever thought of it as anything, think of it as seen/unseen connected, stretchy n pliable, squishy, yet intact...a mashup of your greatest hits, partly chosen by you, partly by your 'label.' Spirit soars condor size galactic wings YES you learned how to navigate astrally, bilocate, fuzzy Star Trek-like teleportation. Shrinking and growing like Hanuman, even (especially) if only in your Art.

From my wordsmith crafter Paloma Devi: The most important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

How many millennia has this eternal soul suffered a longing desire to destroy/reform/prepare for this birth cycle? No clue, but now, i know better. Lessons echo n expand head on, daring me to throw my cosmic boomerang far into the laughing swirling center of this galactic lollypop.

What will i be next? Liberated rainbow comet? Bridled indentured servant of human existence that has to live with a semi-dysfunctional myself, again? A redwood that someone lives in for a year to protect from being chopped down? A saint? I hear your laughter and raise you a guffaw. 

In my karmic locker the smelly sum of single socks that left me questioning their mysterious disappearance and magical reappearance are begging to be worn mismatched. The next 7 generations are the future collective 'us'. Imprinted incarnations in the nebula stardustical outer bands beyond 3D yet to be materialized. Watched time means squat to the abiding soul. 

What is felt now is an accumulation of the spiritual work the past + current selves, the flogging and abuse will subside n vanish if we keep loving ourselves now. Accepting both what is brought in addition to what i bring. I impose nothing but love unconditional on You. I will accept You as we reflectively are and love us as grandmother so we feel heavenly in ease. I am student to your guru so i keep improving.

Souls radiance presses through pores of this wooly integument like a strainer. It's been keeping me warm and safe, but over time is presently worn and thin.  Dimension shifting as with all births are painful yet afterwords we remember nothing and live as if everything tasted delicious. 

In my altruistic mind
I consider You a lover
It was more than Come
It was go! out to the stars 
And back 
When the Universe told me 
We'd been together 7000 years

It was more like feeling 7
when by your side
The age when we didn't have
names for love yet
where my curls met Your shoulder
minus the longing

Navigating the streets of my heart
I am considered known to You 
I am tickled that You didn't forget either

How is it we never seem to tire of this reunion? 
Will this be our final dance? 
Or do I have too see my patterns dangling 
like a gorgeous sexy carrot 
in the afterworld too?

 

It's beginning to feel like the rinse cycle in this mother fucker isn't it? Airy water bubbles whooshing through the fleshy-meshy fibers of me...and as i become more elementally sound, feel a gripping need to act/be/do slower, slower, as slow as Alex Grey takes to carefully piece together what he is about to say.  Counteracting need for speed n fictional rush to be 'on time'. Today, i am completely (again) relaxed into the timing of Divine. Of knowing what happens next is to be larger and more amazing than i can see at present. Phew.

Drive and determination occupy the mind, service n practice, song n dance. Now, after a powerful Pleiadian-charged healing session i feel hollow + magically the arguments with Self have ceased. It's a pranayama for the mind, the battle for control swaying on a mechanism that goes infinity.

Better to be foolish than arrogant, my heart explains
Sometimes i dance and it's not me
I am time/space traveling
Able to communicate the wordless
I am broken and declogged
I am all over the floor
I've spilled myself
And it's disintegrating as gas.
I am made of all elements
Remove my clothing
My fascia
My astral cape
I am illuminating frequencies
Of light and sound
Bouncing around
I am nothing.

Rules and regulations are the tall tales of our man(ufactured) paradigm. How can few people change an entire worldview over a few hundred years? Isn't that what we are working on now? A few dazzlers (you) stroking the divine wand leaving stardust dream sauce on all you embrace? You can't help it anymore, can you?

Remember that time when you had the whole world in your hands? What does it feel like this time around?

Oh i don't know about you but the limbically tinged flavor to some of my words has me apologizing profusely and repeatedly in both written and spoken varieties. I (cr)humble to release the jerk with the foul tone, like a fly that refuses to let up against your flailing whoosh!!! i heard something the other day that has stuck like glue 'IT doesn't get any better, only You get better) the humorous truth of searching for one's truth, just get on with being you.

When in no doubt of being one's You, i mean utterly convinced, madness intertwined with ingenuity with a sparkling of trust in the magic that you are moving meditation, one with the object completely. Overwhelming is the need for sleep with my face in the sunlight, a savasana for this big download awaiting my resting vibration. When i allow myself the rest, i always say that i will never forget again. A ping without pong is just pinging, and fuck, how annoying does that get?

Or does it fade into the static-drone background of humankind's self disgust, switched off over breakfast losing preference to sports statistics. 'Shit, I had money on them' On what? The winners or the losers? Depends on who you ask. Confusion continues when identifying that we are all the criminals dumbing and numbing ourselves, finally our inner neural/bio intelligences get a reset and if you have been awakening at a certain rate, you are ready and operate on this current amplification. 

What shows up, the answers i was waiting for, minus the how, when, who, or any other imminent details. Just flashes in frustrating cosmic code as i lean in to be unraveled on the need.2.know basis. I know things are going to get weirder. I am really excited about that.

I'm beginning to figure it out
That I haven't got a clue
I was thinking geographic locale
When I was asking spirit where
next to go
Answers arrived like a deep sigh
In between too many shallows

It's been working
And winding its way
Serpentine motions
Rocking and weaving my path
To this realization
Another leap of vision
Expands before me as possibility

I wait on myself
I weight on myself
Shake off the remains of the
Current shit storm
Resurrected from the 90's

Like Milli Vanilli returning their Grammys, shameful head and eyes low
They were partly at fault
But greater still the mechanisms
And masterminds to construct
Workable, lucrative farce

Consciousness when will you be called out to face the world?
Chosen partners and 'ships to
Gaze into the funhouse for soul's
Seekers

I tap, tap, tap into my heartspace
I love this little fucked up, rude,
Terribly destructive me.
Little angry G
Little g is getting her healing
Full circle
Because I am choosing to be
Light as a feather

Question is...
How soft is too soft?
Or does one have to be
The knife in a drawer
Full of spoons

Healing skills adjusting to heightened Wizard levels where embraces and eye-gazes allow space for cosmic adjustments. Love feelings stir inside of me when his body is close to mine. Liquid fire squishing around n spreading, melting the numb back to a reconfigured painless material. I am strengthened. The delusional part of me is 'so in love' as they say, but in reality, it is not him, it is the idea of a ship with someone like him.  

Karmic spotlighting mind calculating the 'what' portion of this breakthrough, a working definition to box it up properly. If i have to ask, 'is this the one?' as my enlightened friend TDV emphatically says no, it is not the one. We just know, like all those other times when love magically happened...which presently i am choosing to forget. It doesn't help he keeps returning like a boomerang and i have butterflies and smiles for him every time. He says our relationship is interstellar. How long is this song? Shit, i don't remember the words, you got sheet music?

Personalities in sweet confident simpatico, i can't tell if (how) he loves me or just loves love. Love projecting yummy, blanket-type fuzziness all over me. Heart strings aching for that bow to strike that chord...ah, how anxious and awkward (again.) Who programmed that love takes a second? Did love do that? A biological mojo backfiring of what it should look like in undefinable time? Ah, ignore subjective overthink. Bruised ego rehearsing its thumbsucking posture instead of humbly forgiving and being on-toes present, ready for anything that can/will change in an instant. 

In the meantime, i embrace my romantic nomad, and call in for guidance.

mind nauseates heart 
wondering the hows of love
while accepting it in
all universal forms

you still optimistic even
facing time behind bars
convincingly happy-go-lucky
and me, the quizzical skeptic
it's heartbreak watching you, and also
uncontrollable to not celebrate along with you
with heel kicking enthusiasm

face deep in my blond crazy afro
he plants a kiss on my head
'i love you' he shouts
and then moments later
'i love chia seeds with almond milk'

Post Burning Man effects still rippling through, the comprehension of it seems unlikely, and it's definitely too soon to measure. So I take it in sips, plugging into the free-forming storyboard of my journey, days indistinguishable from the other. My 4th year feeling like my first, meeting so many virgins and being able to share my stories has made me extrememly grateful to touch people in compatible vibration. 

Random Rab Sunday sunrise @ Fractal Nation sent me on a profound return to the weavings of the elements. I began saluting the rising sun, and my body quickly and unexpectedly went into abstract un-shaped cruise-control. It beamed with the sunrays, it let the wind direct it and move right through it, wearing me so thin until I became part of the tapestry. Cells integrating and dancing while Torus energy field expands, whooshing into my private heart field, I squatted and stretched my hands out for the sun and moon until I held them in the palms of my hands. 

I felt the magic play between them, they were talking and laughing to each other. They hadn't spent that much time together in a while, especially while listening to Gyroscopes. The avalanche of gratitude/bliss/nothingness space I crumbled into child's pose, face down in the playa, feeling the speck. on a speck. on a speck. a random, beautiful nothingness. 

A couple of sun cycles previous I was fortunate to play magician/priestess in a cosmic birthing experience of a friend of mine who (one could say) does not exactly live in this dimension most of the time. She speaks in conundrums, like 'we are the golden seal' and I have to rhythmically travel back to Ayahuasca states to be open enough to receive this esoteric information, and yes, it's both believable and unbelievable, as the thought goes ping-ping-ping between the right and left hemispheres. I mean those of us who call ourselves light beings, or star beings, or growing into that realization blahblah (anyway) we are now seeing with curiously different eyes, moving through dramatic transformation as the collective grid grows stronger and instructions hold greater clarity. Living on Playa only intensifies it by pulling n pushing with all the connections + confirmations. Conceptual time dissolves into a series of coincidences colliding with the inevitable cosmic hairballs we are forced to deal with upon the fun house-angled multiple reflections. 

I spent a gorgeous 30 minutes in Center Camp with Hug Nation, exchanging embraces with beings thanking me for being there and for making the burn so incredible. I told people how unstoppable they are. Staring deeply into many bright eyes: slobbering + giggling from the overflow of unconditional love. I chanted in circles with hundreds of people channeling monkeys, connecting with our primal voice + mischievous play. I kissed two boys with pink hair approximately half my age. I tell this news to my friend Eli, who approves and says, 'I love to coug at the burn' as if the word cougar could be conjugated. I was in no rush to end my 9 months of celibacy, I was in a continual 'I don't care' mode. My practice has made me shiny and feeling special, and some are able to sense it, some to the point where all they can do is kiss me. 

During my yoga class, I offered the idea of making an intention at Burning Man, because the manifestation energy works swiftly compared to the clogged urban ihuman jungle. Requests are granted with the sting of a retaliation smack, the giant glitter hand with your ancient name written on it, movingsofast there's no time to duck. I landed with the notion to remove all self-doubt of my greatness. I am owning my magic and it's effects on people. I am I am I am. As a teacher I have never experienced such a present class, hovering on every moment, nodding in agreement, constructing our container with precise wizardry.

One of the reasons we are here on the material plane is to experience relation'ships' of all sorts, lasting anywhere from a blink to an entire karmic laundry list of a lesson-filled reflection/connection. The universe is our cosmic sea, we are sailing round each other either trading, cruising, or perhaps docking for a time because it's too-too tempting, irresistible without hesitation. It's beyond words and descriptions, as they are young concepts and serve zero justice. 

The permission to Be, express and experience oneSelf fully is overwhelming. It's also dangerous! because once someone gets a taste, it spreads. It will not fester or question any longer. It just does n does n keeps on - until it's doing itSelf. Deeply tapped into the language of interconnectedness and listening, supported and encouraged to flourish + nourish the soul. How many burns does it take to get to the center? Stop counting I say. The idea is to habitually trip yourself up, to take on more responsibility, to see yourself as valuable, vulnerable, a moldable fountain of creative fearlessness. Burning Man is the experiential portion of this live-action program. It's more realization than remembering. 

Sticky westbound travels in progress, and the near brokedown car is not the only one needing repair. Universe conspires to place me, over and over again in the hands of magic. I don't know anymore how it's being done (but when did i ever? ha) it's certainly now more of a joke than anything. Stalled in Las Cruces, NM, the cross(roads) of young n old, feeling my entire humanness in its cruel bliss vibration in the home stretch of my road journey. I can't decide whether I am in or am I out. Oh, wait, I'm both. I am big I and small i. I am the little giant, or at least that's what the one-eyed shaman says. 

Open to unconscious re-suggestion, brain recalls sequences of the recent string of events and it's a total mindfuck. Are you serious, Universe? Experiencing the forward/backward movement, as when one is watching waves lap the shoreline, the joke wraps around me and i have no idea what to think. All i know is that i asked for it. Who knew it would take magic to break the illusion? Standing looking at my temperamental car saying 'are you my car?' 'are. YOU. my car??' There have been many consecutive signs, still coming all.the.time.like relentless and with borderline maniacal mentality. Down to the hotel housekeeper named Gina, and the arrival of moon-time downloads, suggesting Gigi, be still...for this moment...it will propel you forward. A cr(h)umbling moment. 

So this is what it feels like losing the fearful clutching desperate scratching it's nails on the last bit surface slipping into oblivion + the blooming of this Self-recognition and clarity? Resilience around the idea that there's so many different ways to do it? Standing at cliff edge of Self ready to Thelma n Louise over the 'solid' line? Or already in mid flight, now realizing there IS no bottom?

She calls to the wild man
dancing naked by the shores
of the ocean that she is,
He who speaks with tigers,

whose muscles move with
slow liquid grace.
He who no longer fears
his darkness, or
the stillness of the earth, or
the sometimes suffocating pull
of her relentless rhythms,
gravities and tides,
He who has made his peace
with Kali and the void,
he who no longer needs
to run or hide
from the sweet source of power
calling him from deep
inside.  

~Jodi Levi

  

love - wordless and exciting
a form of fear, birthing endless poems and songs
This love is hopeful and wondering,
a sword unsheathed, eyes squinting,
light of the sun's bounce too bright.
this love was sure things were going to work out,
no matter what mind argued.
It was invincible.

Then love got neglected
fell in the ranks of priorities,
unwittingly manifesting injury.
This love was devastated,
How does one continue?

Love didn't have anything to do with it.
Love doesn't give up, or hesitate,
Love gives chances,
Love fortifies and nourishes the soul.
It is I that gave up on love,
only to return to it anew,
hopeful and wondering.

Boy, your karmic, end-of-the-world behavior is pushy.
Let me elevate in my own Divine Time,
Just keep lighting your own grid,
The rest intersects and synchronizes accordingly.

Stop.
I know you are trying to help,
Stop quoting it.
Stop paraphrasing it.
Be a simple, living breathing example of it.

Heart detects magic way before the word is attached to the moment
The feel of Divine Joy
Wordless direct consciousness elevator
Zero Point tuned
Who is the blind one who sees all?

Awareness creeps through a series of mishaps and gentle reminders, taking exquisite twists, swirling through subconscious bubbling up to...another 'oops, i am not loving myself enough in this little spot right here.'

As usual, i have the luck to spend chunks of my day with people i love and admire. Unknowingly depositing juicy life-bits of acknowledgment or perspective to light up my curiosity as if i were a baby progressing from standing to walking, from stumbling and grabbing for leverage to stompin' freely with a dribbly grin on my face. Friends serving as flashlights or flares so we can all maintain our reflective collective brightness. I do not find any better motivation at present.

Time is an intangible gift that can be molded and stretched to the point of metronome quiver, somersaulting into gratitude.

Ryan predicts my future in the mountains, fully connected yet free to roam
Alvaro instructs me to move sideways because there's been enough horizontal  (for now)
Rio shares mindbending art that makes my brain squeal and my gut ache for more authenticity in my expression
Silvia for taking Hanuman size leaps onto crooked cobblestone streets, reminding me the of time when i moved to another country for love that wasn't possible to live without

I mean when i don't think about it not.thinking. (the speechless sunrise place) it's just heart and gut brains guiding. A different kind of 'think' ... once at a women's circle, the shaman told us that the stones don't speak English or Spanish, and we have to adjust our listening to it. Instructions aren't always in the form we expect. This is why i have been tuning my nervous system, being out in nature, studying, learning, creating theories, driving myself insane to blessed madwoman.

So here's to you
To blowing your own mind
On a continual basis
And may you have friends
surround you to maintain the alternate
realities that you have tucked away
the psychic dust bunnies under your metaphorical bed

pokes and prods soft as armless embrace
the aesthetics now slightly ajar
the squishy moment of empty space
the beauty of it
falling apart and spilling all over the joint

and you see what is already there
has simply been there
the rumble of yes

that random
is indeed
the order

Returning to LA after a break is like visiting the ex-boyfriend. I remember all the stuff I liked about him, but knew it wouldn't be right to stay. I love the westside flow and the east side shuffle. I love the diversity and hidden historic pockets. Love the currents of characters mixing together, momentarily altering my reality throughout the day. Last week, a police helicopter circling above In and Out Burger commandingly blaring from its loudspeaker: 'this is not a Hollywood movie, this is real life.' 

I looked up and thought 'it's all a hollywood movie!' changing direction on my bike after losing out on another good deal. The universe is sending messages that i shall not purchase an auto in this moment. Or boots (and does not care that my feet are cold or want to look cute) and is placing me temporarily back in sweaty Miami, hurricane season, flooding, possible zombies (I haven't heard from 100% of my friends yet), my Tapayasa practice is getting turned up a notch. Tapas is part of the 8 limbs of yoga, it loosely translates as 'burning' or 'austerities.' When one enters the practice as a complete immersion, when one becomes a moving meditation completely connected with both the control of the prana and also experiencing the wave of the prana. No thought required. It is fulfilling the desire to be present and receiving the pleasure + nourishment of its mingling presence.

There is an avalanche of dual signs occuring in this window ~ eclipse in Gemini, Venus Transit, Full Moon in Sagittarius, and now Cancer coming up on the New Moon. A galactic house of mirrors, reflecting all the pimply and hairy sides you couldn't see with the flat 5 dollar one from Wal-Mart.

I think this is because many of us have been working it, yes, turning up the heat (or the love or light) etc and so intensely focused on becoming more diamond like. Shining in all directions and dimensions! We are human, but we are also part cosmic disco-ball, and if I know you like I think I do...I know you brought your goggles.

Linear time exists because someone was seriously triggered when the other never showed. The first person in history to be stood up may have motivated someone to conceptualize and actualize a time and place to connect, what is often known as a 'date,' or we would all just be shuffling along until we magically bump into each other. How would anything get done? We cannot imagine it, or can we?



Please enjoy this link to a deeper explanation of Tapas as a practice.

http://upyourasana.wordpress.com/2010/11/22/niyama-of-the-week-tapas-self-discipline-earnestness/

Perception upgrade in process, with a leaning suspicion of Chinese herbal tonics amplification currently looks as this: arguing with myself concerning a belief in the solid form of things. Eyes are witnessing a sort of sliding matrix, slightly different than the psychedelic way, as if one day i will be able to put my hand through it. Am i delusional or just intergalatic? I have scaled over to a new viewpoint, and can see out farther now at my own rediculousness, so very emotionally human and also sooooo very tripped out on living this cosmic agreement, in this form - thanks to mysterious who?

I was born ten days late (from my due date) and back 'then' there was no induction, dates determined by divine design natural flow rather than a scheduled appointment. I was predicted to be a Scorpio. I make up my mother was quite uncomfortable and ready when she went into labor during a visit to my Grandparents house. My uncle and grandfather were making her laugh so hard she started to have contractions. What a blessing to be born into a laughing/crying riotous family. Italian-rooted buncha defiant nutjobs who hold disapproval and it's flip side simultaneously. 'You are a fuck-up-but i love you' kind of intended thing spinoff spending part of 3D life trying to undo.

One time my uncle tickled me so incessantly it hurt, i was begging him to stop. Years later while studying massage i learned that pain and tickle sit together on the same nerve endings. The pain/pleasure barrier of our being, our ability to sensitize/desensitize ourselves. Combined expression happening on the physical plane as well as the layers of orbs and stardust. It is only when we soften, succumb, simplify can we continue through the karmic treadmill turntable thing. Strength in softness to balance the aggressive limbic and adrenaline-charged manifester. 

I am talking about Yin nature of receiving and trusting. The feeling after the Crash! then the WAAAH!! Ma scooped you up, and embraced your entire body with her huge loving arms. 'Everything is alright...' isn't that what Mama says when she wipes our tears? Similar energy washes after a huge laugh or cry, wondering what just happened - empty and clear. No thought in the orgasmic moment. No one named, or unnamed God gets in the way of human-tastic feeling sublime bliss in-stilled-ness in a universe that doesn't let up- ever. One big human curiosity is addiction to that 'death' moment, and how to get to it again and again...how many ways to get off? How many ways to chase it, covet it, purge it? Mother may I?

There, there...have patience, and know that 'it' comes from any and all sides. It is abstract and we have to be alright with that too.  

Once i was told that rocks do not speak English or Spanish, and its vibration will not be heard unless we listen in a remembering elemental way. A shamanic (a word entirely overused but appropriate here) coexistence,  dancing inbetween realms, who is both instrument and orchestra conducting and playing simultaneously.  In gratitude for being part of it in this way, right now. Mother shows you if you just stop rebelling and fussing like a whiny tot. Say thank you, go wash up, time is wasting. Or is time just lining up like it's been doing ceaselessly for infinity? Set your space boogie board to 'Aquarian age' please, and in the words of Curandero Don Jose - 'unfasten your seat belts.'


 

Q: How is the 'work' changing you? 


A: In so many ways, yet it isn't over, the results enter slowly as it integrates and separates the old patterns to newer, clearer, less restrictive patterns...i would like to say i feel freer, taller, with more room to breathe. Expanded, less dense, as if the wind could go right through me. I am cleaning and realigning.


I have had some build up from not applying my practice, i let it go for a while...to do what? To travel, to teach, to forget the re-integration of practice. Everything becomes the Sadhana, and the Sadhana changes, and when the moment of (oops) i stopped doing (fill in the blank) and how the result is (this atrophy, this moment of regression) is emotional in physical stuckness. Weeeeeee! Time to ninja and retune. If i look back and see where the places i am at (location) and the energetic effect as in Miami is immature especially faced-off to California...I irritate my homies with tales of exceptional living. It's the fine tuning of the expression of being in constant cycle of renewal and dying off. 


If I strrrrrretch through the perceived barrier of who i am, remember what i don't know to begin again. Courage builds as the body n spirit merge to improve and see into oneself as a free diver without metal lung tanks, only the skills one has learned in present-time activation and application. 


What was once hard is now soft. What was once asleep is now alive and poised for seamlessness. It is the fool's leap into experiential life. This work is a big fat springboard/accelerator/rocket fuel for fullness fearless Me. I've been gathering information for a long time and now it's going into the next phase of execution. I am ready, the shape of it has the most clarity it's ever had. 


I want people to have as much fun as I have. I want people to understand they are in control of their own way out - of themselves. I have a toybox of ammunition now, the confidence to share it and earn money from it. Purpose as life serving with pleasure, connecting the weavers that light up the sacred grid. Working together, i mean as mystical scientists Experimenting+Creating+Editing+Considering+Training+Conditioning to be able to strengthen and empower the Healing Magician.

To prepare for the energetic and magnetic changes combined with the constant detox required for living in this particular phase of Dali's melting clocks. Time will eventually slip-drip-drop, taking the shape of wherever it lands. Perhaps as a dome-shaped bead perched on a bright green leaf taking sun, warming up for the approaching ant to slurp you up for hydration, it's survival mechanism. 

I witnessed a wow/of course moment, i've barely taken any notes, but somehow it has seeped in. I know my shit, just keep checking in, communicating with the student (friend/lover/partner/etc), the energy works like a Torus, a duel carriageway so the energy doesn't stick to either of us. My own blockages crumble and avalanche when yours is also releasing. 


In any moment one takes to improve themselves actively, attentively and with increasing precision they are not only doing themselves a favor, but they are also contributing to the outer layers vibrating and resonating. Yes, i am an orchestra where tuning is required, i am open enough to receive objectively. Yes, i am a Jedi, i look forward to it. At the same time, i am an instrument in the Universal Orchestra, micro reflection macro...

As of course there is a sadness working through that may not even be mine, a simple product of what is in the karmic knapsack. What's in the psyche? The layer we choose to forget in this dimension. 

Human Incarnators: I'll take the suffering please!!! On the rocks!!

Q: Is there a mantra for that?

A: Yes (oh good) it's in the extremes one figures the balance. Eventually realizing the 'balance' is a conveyor, a tightrope, a trampoline, a sandpit, a cloud (it really depends on the individual) I am THAT, but I am also that. No but, but is an exception keeping you from being exceptional. Exceptionally aware of the joke being played on you. It is the elder who acts as a child, knowing the secret and waiting for you to figure it out. 

Pulling into core tight contract, contract, contrrrraaact...Bleehhhreleeeeease release, release, erase the fuzz, the psychic/mental fascia, help me forget, forgive, free to remember how to be strong love warrior superhero. Trigger points holding in the muscle, what information is each cell containing? Some heavier, some light or ether. They create tension, opposition, and traction. That is perhaps the constant switcheroo, the little big bangs that are happening all the time, as the flickering of a movie screen where we are director and star!

Not even remotely close in proximity to an imagined shape is taking in the Now, is scaring the utterly unserving out of me. Requests from Universe coming to frightful fruition, and so continue sweet surrender to the unrecognizable. Sometimes I have to get exponentially small to remember how infinitely large I am. I know Me more now than a few days ago thanks to the muddy deliciousness of the groove-soaked Lucidity festival. A love-blast sparkle shine, cells still vibrating from the open love-infused flow, we are all divine - remember silly reflection? Download becomes integration that resonates and shakes off the outer layer skin.

Actively calling in the fortitude of maintaining presence while living as the impermanent fool for life, leaping into cosmic challenge causes this curly monkey mind to explode in reactive complicated tears, a mushiness and vulnerability I have become accustomed to in this full fusion confusion shattered illusion. The plan is only a scaffold from which to hang dreams, and at times only a seemingly small part of what actually happens. Constant rearranging accumulates without the surrender + ninja skill level work required to remain Galactivated.

Heart patience allows seeing through elevated conscious 'eye', what is truly important within the grand landscape, when a feeling of 'everything is alright' seeps in, great things are happening, and I am part of it all. How lucky in life with this heightened succulence, tasting with abandon + curiosity, watching the unstoppable morphing of earthly existence unfolding. Am I not convinced that it will work out in an unassuming form? How many times must it prove itself before I wholly believe?

The Lucidity experience is proof of form in action. Rain stopped as we arrived, car allowed entry thanks to Dr. Dream magic, complete with aromatherapy oils. Car stuck in thick mud, our camping spot choosing us, magically ending up in the middle of all of our friends. Reunions of old and new playmates abound with an abundance of group hugs and schroomy freak grooving by the speakers. I trust that all is working in divine order, and much as I trust when the one of most incredible men I ever met with loving heart + divine eyes called me beautiful. I am convinced we are all here to move energy for each other, lift each other, and carry this expansive all-pervasive love onward. Love as Art, Art as Love. Mystify-ing-ly simple isn't it?...

This side of death is proving to be quite a whirlwind, grooving somewhere between points A and B, the music is getting deeper, sexier, like dancing to Marques Wyatt on a floor with the perfect amount of slide. People have been thanking me for coming to the party, a party I had no hand in throwing mind you, it tickles me and all I can do is embrace and breathe heart fuzz tingle. 

It's no mistake who I have become thus far. An expanded version of the freckled 9-year-old, sitting in Social Studies staring curiously into the large pull-down map (the proper one too, not the arrogantly American-centered one.) Eyes calculating borders and lines while wondering what people do in pink China and orange Angola and how many Fiji's fit into Finland.

Fellow gypsy mystic junkies, Gabriella and Dune, blow through Miami on a little love layover. Howling, wine-soaked tales of our defying.death.grateful.to.be.alive! existences - living 'wow' instead of 'how' - time and distance existing deliciously different for this trio, with an elasticity undetected by everyday cubicle types. Travel springboards to real-time practice of the ever-oscillating, fuck up/succeed point, where design and resign tango skillfully as opposition in balance on this tantric tightrope, complete with it's physical and psychic tattoos.

Semi-inebriated intersecting allows us to fling open cosmic closet doors and plot like chess champions. Gabriella is wearing a new name, Mayana, perhaps to activate the illusional, mysterious, shape-shifting property of Self. Expanding her inner world as outer world continuously unfolds. Love is the cliff we hang from, one finger peeling away at a time, until screaming YES while falling through puffy clouds. The question is how tight are we holding? Why so badly need to see the bottom first before letting go? 

Step into the fire of Self, 
imagine yourself as torch 
in the cave of your love

you are that
being influenced by that 
and also influencing that..

love as drishti 
look without eyes 
seeking the obscure
awaiting what arises from the
churning origin 
as a skin cell birthing 
old ones dying off 


we never see the former 
shape of self
the collective slough 
a dandelion blown apart
by wind
to spread its seed

Just a fuzz of light before the beam drills through, and idea with a suspicious smile - what to do when somewhat submerged in mystery, as curious and jumpy as a child separated from a puppy by a thick piece of glass? Is my intuition leaving me in suspense? Waiting to be drenched in integration, i push a little with a concentrated ninja-fied Sadhana. Morning bhakti, afternoon whirling, the Sadhana is woven in all day and all night, until i cannot see any separation.

I am wondering if there is a problem in the attempts to reign in all the things i do and put them under one umbrella called Art. I am doing it with love, with thoughtfulness, with humor, with openness and willingness to look as though i hadn't ever looked before. Remember simple, the most basic thing of this human existence is to experience what comes naturally to you.

Fill in the blank here ______________.

I ask for all of my worlds to connect and intersect, grow and weave, breathe and expand. A spiritually infused human, psychically resonating and dancing with the movements and cycles of the galactic grid.

Who's with me? 

I have this crazy dream where i have a big mansion or sometimes it's an island, and i invite all of my friends together because you really should (yes i said should) meet each other. Yes, we have Facebook and Twitter, but it sure doesn't beat the clink of a glass at the moment our eyes meet now does it? Or a delicious hug? Does everyone have this dream? Is this how Burning Man started? Maybe Larry started BM so all of his friends can hug each other.

Last year on the playa i was on the lookout for my bike when i heard 'get her! she's furry!!' I was nabbed and pulled into the center of a faux fur-wearing international cuddle puddle. We stayed there for about 20 minutes laughing, talking, breathing, swaying, i could relax completely as everyone was pressed up against me, holding me in safety/bliss/yumminess.

On our quest to integrate spiritual with material, achieving siddhis from rigorous practice, most of the excess has fallen away, melting as ice in a glass. Ice appears at first to be different than the liquid, but after a while, returns to liquid without even changing volume.

Yes, Mars is still retrograde in Virgo.
It will all make sense later.

From the thin air place I began dancing as if I were requesting rain or charming a snake. Just as I thought it was all coming together it broke apart and shattered, for I had no idea how asleep I was until I drank ayahuasca. Under strict instructions concerning both diet and intention, I was concerned about what to ask her. Yes, ayahuasca is a Her, Grandmother she is called, for She heals you in so many ways by showing you what you are made of, what you came on this very planet for, She shakes you to your core until you have gathered it all up, packed it up and shipped it out to cosmic oblivion, to reveal and revel in your own giant strength.

Mutable malleable mush I became as I remembered to keep surrendering. She pushed and pulled on me, as if I were receiving a massage, I snaked and slithered and from deep in my bowels I vomited and rested into a vision of my own eyes breathing back at me with pure wonder.

Then the eyes morphed into a puma. Yes a puma, then a frog, a bat, a squirrel, a frog, a snake, a firefly, a chicken, a condor, a monkey-lizard, a virtual parade of animals inhabiting my body both serving as reminders of how many movements a curious, playful body can make while squishing out stagnant chi. Clearing pathways creating free space to move like a strong, clean body by digging, crawling, flying, and climbing. In between I would find myself in a static-stuck places, crumbling and crying like a child, tears and snot everywhere as I felt old shame wash through and I just repeated ‘exquisite’ as she would rock me back into bubbling giggles and sighs of love as I move so softly with remarkable tenderness into the tall, powerful Grandmother herself. Ceremonial songs delighted my field and I joined in song, the song was in me all this time, which made me cry sweetly as pain escaped my shape shifting body form.

Teacher, healer, revealer. Answers never show up in a thinkable form. The second ceremony I asked to see the Origin of Things. I wanted to go back to a time before the sacred source books were destroyed, the truths of the universe. I wanted to understand and embody the cryptic mystery. I want to be a beautiful helpful human being. She showed me things beyond my usual limited reason. My logical mind became more confused than a nocturnal daytripper. It struggled and argued until reality was completely annihilated, for there was no difference between eyes open and closed, grids of color everywhere, pieces of the sky came apart like jigsaw pieces until left brain just said ‘huh?’ and gave up, I expanded in a deep sigh and left my body floating high in the swirly abyss. I asked Her, what am I doing here? She answered by making me hurl in a bucket, everyone was throwing up around me, throwing up the hate of the world, and I laughed like an old knowing woman. I am animal, here to eliminate, to travel through the trenches of emotion, bind them up and release them. It was a dread/bliss place in between patterns and more visions of eyes. Eyes are the gateway to this cosmic human form, when we see each other, we tap into reality shifting from this world to another. More feeling than word, more experience than the logical seemingly excessive comprehension of it. And it is so simple and incredibly beautiful. Do not hesitate to manipulate, shape and paint the future.

Shaman Don Jose would close each ceremony with a truckful of gracias. Thanks mother, father, animal and insect families, elements, plants, the medicine. I come away with more gratitude than I ever had in my whole life. Massive purging leaves my body feeling clear and amazing, I feel calculatedly different. Integrated wizardry now moves me in this world as a humbled master, with a greater understanding of the universe of me. Piecing it back together post disintegration - it’s simple.

I am a healing machine.

I am in love.

My body does awesome things.

Human,

lovely

connected

grounded

upside down sky

languid

gateway to infinity

leaving this earth

dancing with cosmos in pure awe of presence

once mind dissolves from the phase of ‘what?’

potent medicine

courage

compassion

love

keep making art

that’s all

yum it up.

The tip of the Nicoya Peninsula at one time was a crossroads for tribes to gather, meet, and trade. The winds were known as the 'bad breath' for there were many accidents and deaths. Everyone i have met on my travels so far tell tales of falls/breaks/bruises of some sort, mostly physical and for some who live here year round, bouts of depression + considerations of suicide. Even trees often die due to the number of parasites living on it, as the middle hollows out and crumbles as a myriad of lifeforms take over.

Within a week of arriving here i realized i came to Costa Rica to die. Die as in transform/transmute. Green reflecting back at me as blue, as i turn to the ocean and sky as mentors. Soul's grid lights up like a pinball machine, silver ball of emotions roll and bounce over the dancefloor of my nervous system. Capricorn fades into Aquarius Sun-time, blowing unique + rebellious air (much needed!) to push and unearth stagnant issues. Air churning stale earth into offbeat, refreshing and eyebrow raising action.

Nihilistic dreamscape arrives at a standstill-ish pause, a reckoning, a deeper knowing of me. Yeah, this life is a very weird thing. And now we interrupt this mind-fuckery-circle-junction for irreverant behavior. Time to stop asking questions and simply Do the Be. Be the Do. Do-Be.Do-Be-Do. Dancing to own soundtrack, but this time - with less clothes on. Real responsibility in accepting your Self as You, a divine work of Art, always evolving and improving, for it is always a transition on some level. Perceived bottom reached, now empty and spacious...what to fill it with? I am as curious as You are. 

Getting to know Self throughout Life, not denying any parts of the existence, opening up to the humor, the Diety, the fool, the omnipresent: the every.thing + the no.thing = the scenic route of this soulmap's journey. Inner spirals back on itself to outer, dreams desiring to be realized. Ego~brain shaken, loose particles sift and fall away as this raw core remains intact, resilient, rising. Life is about dying. Fear of it keeps open access to living fully, so might as well enjoy, with gratitude for the opportunity. It's no wonder why humans have so many celebrations, and it's another wonder why it isn't happening continuously. Well, for some, it definitely is...it's merely a combination of remembering and forgetting.  

Story can run on and on, hamster-in-wheel style, if one allows it. We all encounter people who provide instant and extensive personal information, causing vast amounts of squirm + desire to flee. What to say to this spider caught in it's own web? A spiel requiring so much energy + attention by the teller that listener's cues go blindly undetected. I met two of these type of individuals yesterday. The first i suffered through (because she was the yoga teacher), but for the second (also a yoga teacher, yes seriously) i break cycle and ask, 'is this a conversation or a lecture? because i do not remember signing up for any workshops today.' Not bad for a Sagittarius, i mean some need an energetic whack of directness, including yours truly.


As more light is shed on aspects of me, deep loneliness permeates sitting with fullness of sad heart in the ocean's swell reaching the greenest of jungles. What is it about paradise and hell being the same? Someone tells me loneliness has to do with not feeling safe. I ask 'which textbook did that come from?' Preferring to feel through it, i let it process. Knowing if i don't ~ surely it will resurface in a form even more perverted than present. My own story is running out of gas it would seem, as it falls away i embrace future-present patterns, thoughtful and loving, and with all honesty, very happy it is coming up now, because i am ready to renew, activate at my potential with wholeness of being. 


Brave? Perhaps, or just willing to move through this metamorphosis with an open heart, experiencing play of shadows and light. In the meantime i have been making a list of things i believe in...

I believe in Art
mystery unfolding 
trust building 
an inner knowing 
through communing with nature 

that everything is impermanent 
even death 
and life isn't worth living 
without friends or taking risks


Traveling is an opportunity to experience what the Thai people call 'same same ~ but different' One companion remarks, 'we come to Costa Rica to be confused' indeed, travel is a series of blunders and relearning the 'how' of the simplest everyday things. Thought dialing a phone was pretty straightforward? Think again. Travel makes one humble through embarrassment and courage. Learning more than one way of doing things expands mind to greater agility.  


Much love and support to all of You who are embracing new mystery, and loving every moment of the process, an ecstatic pleasure + infinite gratitude to be in your company.

Old Life crumbling to reveal a most un-Samadhi Jungle experience. My three month commitment to teach yoga and practice massage in Costa Rica binds me in a twisted type of straight-jacket Maya. Not one thing is anything near my dippy expectations of a smooth transition. Mistake number one.

On the south Pacific side lies the perpetually stoned surf town of Dominical. Time stretches and collapses akin to Burning Man style, forcing trust in divine time. Suffering from reactive deafness, altercations with Self amount to an exhausting and full-on sickness of Me. Current inability to see choices as various as the species here in this magic land. Disowning the magic contained in my fullness of being, feeling slighted by my universe...what has happened to my senses? 

Obviously this jungle is some sort of learning-ground, lecturing on what will become the newest version of what is to be me. Universe speaks to me like a hustler ~ Believe in Self! Take responsibility! Carry the message of your soul's loudspeaker!! Questions by the millions spill head to paper...what does real truth look like, feel like, act like? What to believe in? Nihilist cynic piece-o-me jokes, HA 'it's ALL made up'! Lonely thoughts dangle next to recurrent story...they kill the messenger, don't they? Where is the exit to this labyrinth of a paradigm?

Mama Ocean journey leads me to greater understanding. Learning to be the current, tossed as a stone until smooth, strong, and speaking languages beyond simple human comprehension. I am as old as the sea, stars and sky, and yet stumbling as this seeking seer fool woman as if purpose matters. Does the ocean ask what she is doing there? No. She tumbles, stretches, and serves as a house for billions. She cycles, transforms, and reappears as rain, as snow, as a flood, as frozen blocks of ice. How many words for the same thing of me? How many forms must i take before i know myself completely?

No number exists for this. Lesson continues. What is required: stretch mind, move directly from willful and alert heartspace with a balance of instinct and wisdom. Questions are for the unwrappable bended mind. Answers are found in the remembering consciousness of heart. Unearthed is a hotbed of creativity reborn, requested gifts from Spirit fuel this next acceleration cycle. Destruction/Creation are one and same, the moment of unity and presence.