The unfortunate task of revisiting and editing my 2012 morning journals is unearthing what a broken record I am. Day after day of the same shit in opulent semantics, the sound of various attempts to convince yourself of yourself...is both a blessing (in it's obviousness) and a curse - that it still lingers in the field. If i pull it out and stretch it like silly putty, then i can enjoy it like making a pizza.

Is it the old wants-gotta haves-thought i did's, skirting the issues of responsibility and depersonalization. It's easier than ever to distinguish human from other. Yet I am here in the psychedelic flower web, moonwalking on the snake's back, gaining in self-approval as the attachments of vanity roll down to the underbelly to be steamrolled into mycellium layer.

Reconfiguring my brain after deafening tones of disappointment, wallflowering and pouting in the far corner. She was sliding up the wall towards the light. I rubbed my hands together until hot - and made her breath cloud disappear and mesh back into the atmosphere invisible. I am considering the idea, that much of me can now be seen that is generally considered nonexistent. A lot of what constitutes me is transparent and the idea of 'seeing' is actually being the eye itself, the sense, the organ, the organism, the orgasm, the experience of being moved, held, elbowed, flung, squeezed, cartwheeled n roly polied - like a bliss ball. There is nothing to lose. Only beauty is coming out now.

Self-Approval is highly recommended because it is surprising and keeps the genius shiny. Genius sees all blank canvas at all times yet is constantly learning, 'keen' in Anglo vocabulary. Genius is laughing at everything, because everything is funny in the deepest sense. The question is 'why aren't we all loving each other yet?' rinse and repeat. Love occurring consecutively infinity.

I get a sense of the question 'what is your purpose?' creating as much anxiety as 'what do you do?' after recently receiving a good chunk of cash. Wow, my job is transforming people's lives, that is fucking cool. The occupation is where and how i spend my life living. My purpose is spreading love, a lofty ideal i know, but i have all of You to remind me that i can love more always. And if i forget, here i go again. Apply Genius Here.

Spirituality whore
Ego-centric score
If only wisdom
were to pour
instead of soundbites

You are such a bore
Ego door
More lore roar 

Mary is a whore? 
No, there is more...
A disciple with a download 
hidden from view

Truth undecided
Belief, one-sided
Frightfully blind 
To those who see 
I would get more 
were someone
paying for me