fast moving cloud
rain as dust
fine floating mist
grace hasn't figured it out either
yet she still loves her life
when rainbows appear

fuck yeah i am confused, seeing so many things that you people are doing, and it is so inspiring and of course i am being influenced by that flooding of miniature births. Feet tripping over each other diving into cave to collate, rewire nervous system + integrate. Remind myself (again) to keep it simple, and even though i am especially interested in all these strange offerings, they are maya clouding distractions. 

so like my friend Ethan i turn into a hermit. we laughed when i told him i was about 1/3 hermit, because i enjoy being in green outside breathing deeply...but now this great desire to be bare is staring me down with a joker/poker face. I am in laugh/cry zone and i feel as if i am becoming more sensitive - to concrete - i.don't.know.how else to explain it but the urban enviornment it's not the ideal - it's fucking concrete on top of fertility - fuck it. i mean will it be samadhi jungle or will it be 'get me the fuck out of here!' I don't know..

thumbing through current research on artists/inventors/highly creative people and their routine. a day in the life of a genius, and you know what? the rituals are deliciously hilarious and utterly rigid! it is the polarity to the loose, free thinking, free associating, the loop de loop, i mean it has to have crazy integral nonsense superstitious ticking holding it all together. 

feeling anchor-less and woozy from ego's oscillating, what is keeping me from making my dreams real? theory: part of it is because i feel like the belief isn't strong enough in the idea itself, or in me, or possibly a combination of both.

reminding myself to be simple (again)
build some allowance for emptiness 
motion and distraction 
aggravates chitta + being able to see
how to proceed/execute as unsure warrior
reminding myself that i am doing it 
the right way 

weary of constant confirming it to myself
i want it to be automatic! 
it's almost there! 
i can totally put my hands around it
crumple it up like paper 

i am that 
i mean - its a joke really 
that i have to go through 
all of this to realize that 
i am that

this letter was sent to two wizards about 2 weeks after departing the playa...

i am in need of a little guidance on this path of mastery
am having major kundalini movement since returning
from Burning Man.

lots of electricity, waves, etc
also some emotional swinging
remarkable level of desirelessness
and spontaneous 2-3 hour sessions
of energy circulation (kriyas, chi gong, dance, screaming, wild animal impressions, etc)

my confusion is existentially deep
something is emerging

is there a protocol during this process? keep deepening and allowing?
snake tail soup?

it is not so easy to explain this opening process
yet so heartfelt-y real - i had to surrender
i went to a kirtan and yoga festival to be around
some amazing new age fairy flower children to (again)
show that sweetness too, can hurt when felt with a tender heart
just glad to have a strong enough field to be able to funnel,
to move and be with this snake energy that will shake up
everything i know

am i scared? duh...