The tip of the Nicoya Peninsula at one time was a crossroads for
tribes to gather, meet, and trade. The winds were known as the 'bad
breath' for there were many accidents and deaths. Everyone i have met on
my travels so far tell tales of falls/breaks/bruises of some sort,
mostly physical and for some who live here year round, bouts of
depression + considerations of suicide. Even trees often die due to the
number of parasites living on it, as the middle hollows out and crumbles
as a myriad of lifeforms take over.
Within a week of arriving here i realized i came to Costa Rica to
die. Die as in transform/transmute. Green reflecting back at me as
blue, as i turn to the ocean and sky as mentors. Soul's grid lights up
like a pinball machine, silver ball of emotions roll and bounce over the
dancefloor of my nervous system. Capricorn fades into Aquarius
Sun-time, blowing unique + rebellious air (much needed!) to push and
unearth stagnant issues. Air churning stale earth into offbeat,
refreshing and eyebrow raising action.
Nihilistic dreamscape arrives at a standstill-ish pause, a
reckoning, a deeper knowing of me. Yeah, this life is a very weird
thing. And now we interrupt this mind-fuckery-circle-junction for irreverant behavior.
Time to stop asking questions and simply Do the Be. Be the Do.
Do-Be.Do-Be-Do. Dancing to own soundtrack, but this time - with less
clothes on. Real responsibility in accepting your Self as You, a divine
work of Art, always evolving and improving, for it is always a
transition on some level. Perceived bottom reached, now empty and
spacious...what to fill it with? I am as curious as You are.
Getting to know Self throughout Life, not denying any parts of
the existence, opening up to the humor, the Diety, the fool, the
omnipresent: the every.thing + the no.thing = the scenic route of this
soulmap's journey. Inner spirals back on itself to outer, dreams
desiring to be realized. Ego~brain shaken, loose particles sift and fall
away as this raw core remains intact, resilient, rising. Life is about
dying. Fear of it keeps open access to living fully, so might as well
enjoy, with gratitude for the opportunity. It's no wonder why humans
have so many celebrations, and it's another wonder why it isn't
happening continuously. Well, for some, it definitely is...it's merely a
combination of remembering and forgetting.
11 January 2012
Story can run on and on,
hamster-in-wheel style, if one allows it.
We all encounter people who provide instant and extensive personal
information, causing vast amounts of squirm + desire to flee. What to
say to this spider caught in it's own web? A spiel requiring so much
energy + attention by the teller that listener's cues go blindly
undetected. I met two of these type of individuals yesterday. The first i
suffered through (because she was the yoga teacher), but for the second
(also a yoga teacher, yes seriously) i break cycle and ask, 'is this a
conversation or a lecture? because i do not remember signing up for any
workshops today.' Not bad for a Sagittarius, i mean some need an
energetic whack of directness, including yours truly.
As more light is shed on aspects of me, deep loneliness permeates sitting with fullness of sad heart in the ocean's swell reaching the greenest of jungles. What is it about paradise and hell being the same? Someone tells me loneliness has to do with not feeling safe. I ask 'which textbook did that come from?' Preferring to feel through it, i let it process. Knowing if i don't ~ surely it will resurface in a form even more perverted than present. My own story is running out of gas it would seem, as it falls away i embrace future-present patterns, thoughtful and loving, and with all honesty, very happy it is coming up now, because i am ready to renew, activate at my potential with wholeness of being.
Brave? Perhaps, or just willing to move through this metamorphosis with an open heart, experiencing play of shadows and light. In the meantime i have been making a list of things i believe in...
I believe in Art
mystery unfolding
trust building
an inner knowing
through communing with nature
that everything is impermanent
even death
and life isn't worth living
without friends or taking risks
Traveling is an opportunity to experience what the Thai people call 'same same ~ but different' One companion remarks, 'we come to Costa Rica to be confused' indeed, travel is a series of blunders and relearning the 'how' of the simplest everyday things. Thought dialing a phone was pretty straightforward? Think again. Travel makes one humble through embarrassment and courage. Learning more than one way of doing things expands mind to greater agility.
Much love and support to all of You who are embracing new mystery, and loving every moment of the process, an ecstatic pleasure + infinite gratitude to be in your company.
As more light is shed on aspects of me, deep loneliness permeates sitting with fullness of sad heart in the ocean's swell reaching the greenest of jungles. What is it about paradise and hell being the same? Someone tells me loneliness has to do with not feeling safe. I ask 'which textbook did that come from?' Preferring to feel through it, i let it process. Knowing if i don't ~ surely it will resurface in a form even more perverted than present. My own story is running out of gas it would seem, as it falls away i embrace future-present patterns, thoughtful and loving, and with all honesty, very happy it is coming up now, because i am ready to renew, activate at my potential with wholeness of being.
Brave? Perhaps, or just willing to move through this metamorphosis with an open heart, experiencing play of shadows and light. In the meantime i have been making a list of things i believe in...
I believe in Art
mystery unfolding
trust building
an inner knowing
through communing with nature
that everything is impermanent
even death
and life isn't worth living
without friends or taking risks
Traveling is an opportunity to experience what the Thai people call 'same same ~ but different' One companion remarks, 'we come to Costa Rica to be confused' indeed, travel is a series of blunders and relearning the 'how' of the simplest everyday things. Thought dialing a phone was pretty straightforward? Think again. Travel makes one humble through embarrassment and courage. Learning more than one way of doing things expands mind to greater agility.
Much love and support to all of You who are embracing new mystery, and loving every moment of the process, an ecstatic pleasure + infinite gratitude to be in your company.
01 January 2012
Old Life crumbling to reveal a most un-Samadhi Jungle experience. My three month commitment to teach yoga and practice massage in Costa Rica binds me in a twisted type of straight-jacket Maya. Not one thing is anything near my dippy expectations of a smooth transition. Mistake number one.
On the south Pacific side lies the perpetually stoned surf town of Dominical. Time stretches and collapses akin to Burning Man style, forcing trust in divine time. Suffering from reactive deafness, altercations with Self amount to an exhausting and full-on sickness of Me. Current inability to see choices as various as the species here in this magic land. Disowning the magic contained in my fullness of being, feeling slighted by my universe...what has happened to my senses?
Obviously this jungle is some sort of learning-ground, lecturing on what will become the newest version of what is to be me. Universe speaks to me like a hustler ~ Believe in Self! Take responsibility! Carry the message of your soul's loudspeaker!! Questions by the millions spill head to paper...what does real truth look like, feel like, act like? What to believe in? Nihilist cynic piece-o-me jokes, HA 'it's ALL made up'! Lonely thoughts dangle next to recurrent story...they kill the messenger, don't they? Where is the exit to this labyrinth of a paradigm?
Mama Ocean journey leads me to greater understanding. Learning to be the current, tossed as a stone until smooth, strong, and speaking languages beyond simple human comprehension. I am as old as the sea, stars and sky, and yet stumbling as this seeking seer fool woman as if purpose matters. Does the ocean ask what she is doing there? No. She tumbles, stretches, and serves as a house for billions. She cycles, transforms, and reappears as rain, as snow, as a flood, as frozen blocks of ice. How many words for the same thing of me? How many forms must i take before i know myself completely?
No number exists for this. Lesson continues. What is required: stretch mind, move directly from willful and alert heartspace with a balance of instinct and wisdom. Questions are for the unwrappable bended mind. Answers are found in the remembering consciousness of heart. Unearthed is a hotbed of creativity reborn, requested gifts from Spirit fuel this next acceleration cycle. Destruction/Creation are one and same, the moment of unity and presence.
On the south Pacific side lies the perpetually stoned surf town of Dominical. Time stretches and collapses akin to Burning Man style, forcing trust in divine time. Suffering from reactive deafness, altercations with Self amount to an exhausting and full-on sickness of Me. Current inability to see choices as various as the species here in this magic land. Disowning the magic contained in my fullness of being, feeling slighted by my universe...what has happened to my senses?
Obviously this jungle is some sort of learning-ground, lecturing on what will become the newest version of what is to be me. Universe speaks to me like a hustler ~ Believe in Self! Take responsibility! Carry the message of your soul's loudspeaker!! Questions by the millions spill head to paper...what does real truth look like, feel like, act like? What to believe in? Nihilist cynic piece-o-me jokes, HA 'it's ALL made up'! Lonely thoughts dangle next to recurrent story...they kill the messenger, don't they? Where is the exit to this labyrinth of a paradigm?
Mama Ocean journey leads me to greater understanding. Learning to be the current, tossed as a stone until smooth, strong, and speaking languages beyond simple human comprehension. I am as old as the sea, stars and sky, and yet stumbling as this seeking seer fool woman as if purpose matters. Does the ocean ask what she is doing there? No. She tumbles, stretches, and serves as a house for billions. She cycles, transforms, and reappears as rain, as snow, as a flood, as frozen blocks of ice. How many words for the same thing of me? How many forms must i take before i know myself completely?
No number exists for this. Lesson continues. What is required: stretch mind, move directly from willful and alert heartspace with a balance of instinct and wisdom. Questions are for the unwrappable bended mind. Answers are found in the remembering consciousness of heart. Unearthed is a hotbed of creativity reborn, requested gifts from Spirit fuel this next acceleration cycle. Destruction/Creation are one and same, the moment of unity and presence.
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