Sticky westbound travels in progress, and the near brokedown car is not the only one needing repair. Universe conspires to place me, over and over again in the hands of magic. I don't know anymore how it's being done (but when did i ever? ha) it's certainly now more of a joke than anything. Stalled in Las Cruces, NM, the cross(roads) of young n old, feeling my entire humanness in its cruel bliss vibration in the home stretch of my road journey. I can't decide whether I am in or am I out. Oh, wait, I'm both. I am big I and small i. I am the little giant, or at least that's what the one-eyed shaman says. 

Open to unconscious re-suggestion, brain recalls sequences of the recent string of events and it's a total mindfuck. Are you serious, Universe? Experiencing the forward/backward movement, as when one is watching waves lap the shoreline, the joke wraps around me and i have no idea what to think. All i know is that i asked for it. Who knew it would take magic to break the illusion? Standing looking at my temperamental car saying 'are you my car?' 'are. YOU. my car??' There have been many consecutive signs, still coming all.the.time.like relentless and with borderline maniacal mentality. Down to the hotel housekeeper named Gina, and the arrival of moon-time downloads, suggesting Gigi, be still...for this moment...it will propel you forward. A cr(h)umbling moment. 

So this is what it feels like losing the fearful clutching desperate scratching it's nails on the last bit surface slipping into oblivion + the blooming of this Self-recognition and clarity? Resilience around the idea that there's so many different ways to do it? Standing at cliff edge of Self ready to Thelma n Louise over the 'solid' line? Or already in mid flight, now realizing there IS no bottom?

She calls to the wild man
dancing naked by the shores
of the ocean that she is,
He who speaks with tigers,

whose muscles move with
slow liquid grace.
He who no longer fears
his darkness, or
the stillness of the earth, or
the sometimes suffocating pull
of her relentless rhythms,
gravities and tides,
He who has made his peace
with Kali and the void,
he who no longer needs
to run or hide
from the sweet source of power
calling him from deep
inside.  

~Jodi Levi