Parker's 31st birthday launches a transformatory triad tripped up for major release. Combative conversation actively finessed in real time into the owning up in gratitude an emission of our staunchest fears ~ as if held in a balloon on a string = deciding to carry on living funky-fully regardless and alongside fears as a reminder to not become lazy. They are the ammunition, the resistance for acquiring successful liftoff. 

Eclipse-ified residual mounting to a head now turns over and lifts in the playful Leo energy, erasing the float fog fade fart fizzle. Collective light streaming permeates my community. A resounding tribe of masters displaying balance within the galactically assigned archetype ~ tuned to Bruce Lee precision propelled action. Shedding of the walking wounded part of me has me tripping into a surprise type of living experience. Sharing last night over organically produced mouth orgasms at Raw Mama's love nest, little birdies chirped over my ideas and upcoming projects, and making it quite clear that my newfound articulation is being received and resonating favorably.

Extrovert comes out to flirt, my introvert agrees that 'yesssit's beena while...let's have some fun!' signed up to volunteer for the LA stop of the Wanderlust Yoga Festival promotional event. I met cool people, i got a free yoga mat, and was placed to practice in a photogenic hot spot. Third street promenade peddlers were presented with a live class and be coerced to come and join. I mingled freely (much to Ryan's surprise/delight) who monkey-dove right in after to promote Thursday's flash-mob group meditation practiced in matrixed locales to much enthusiasm. (Medmob.org) Turning people onto new cool ideas refreshes and energizes on a deep satisfying soul level. 

'Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings' ~ Salvador Dalí

This particularly difficult monthly cycle has been a profound journey into seeing the what-is-hidden within the shadow of myself. Shunning certain responsibilities hoping I wouldn't have to look them in the formidable eye. Incredible amounts of build up that seep into dreamtime ~ where i see myself (i thought it Sarah Jessica but it was indeed me) one who goes off with a tall semi-handsome stranger while the reflection (me as well) calls her a whore and steals off into the daylight with tall strangers' camera to take photos while the SJP me does her slutty business.

This morning in my new practice of the morning papers meditation (see the Artist's Way) and the arrival of my blessed moon provides free forming insight and deep levels of integrated realizations. Referencing particular conversations with people who act as sound boards, who are able to hold space in a way i cannot do for myself assist in keeping the grassy field wide open for me to run around and through, leaning into the answers that rise from vast conscious heartspace.

Fears approach with open hand. I dance lightly with them in doe~si~doe exchange, keeping them at an arms distance in preparation to embrace (like i mean it) and certify they are real and they exist in the shadow of me, but they are to be paid beautiful attention to, because they are an untapped source of richness that awaits in the experience about to be lived through me. A true expression of the divine in the form of gina zappia, the embodied spirit. A way that if isn't reconciled with, may be the end of my virtual frame of being. A humble-crumble blast of light on the complete reality of me. Life force Blood and Word flow with concrete confidence - authentic, kind, and wise - and a willingness to explore beyond current boundaries with vigor.

Secret (or seemingly) unknown source of tear flow dam has broken and in so the real shed has begun in the face of brevity for living super full/super hero even though inducing a shitless level of scariness ~ but if i am indeed holding in the belief that i am shiva + brahma, I AM the spark that is labeled the God Particle, then why persist in holding anything back? If i am not inspiring myself, then who am i inspiring? Time to learn more skills for the next level of play. Time to rise from the sidelines into action, but not quite time for washing my hair with the Gatorade.

Earlier today, a representative from the ACLU was schooling me about the subject of bullying. It would appear to be peaking, and the number of suicides has also risen dramatically because of these bullies. Questioning him if that were reality or propaganda, I donated to the cause because this guy was disheartened. He wasn't wondering how it got that way, only determined to support putting a fence around it, and fixing it with freedom squandering laws that create peoples even less responsible for their actions than they already are.

If there are indeed a record number of bullies, they torment because they lack self-esteem, we are now witnessing the results of the experiment. Products of the offspring of the American Dream cloud hallucination. Pervasive support system networked hyper-linked streamless stuff entering a particular person's consciousness and he has zero tools to work with, aaaaaaand collectively we believe ourselves now to be shit. 

Minus crucial foundation like tolerance/objectivity/responsibility/right history avalanching into our current illusion of lack. Keeping, holding, and accumulating 'things' as if trying to erase impermanence, and its showing more than ever. Patriarchal band-aids will not do anymore, Ma is returning to her rightful place, and she has an army of her own. Call them Urban Hippies and Neo-Pagans, but more and more people are tuned into the idea there are more worthwhile currencies than money. 

Old crumpled feelings are accumulating into a ball ready to be pitched out for a home run hit. They are looking for an outlet through tears which aren't coming out exactly right. They have a potential I haven't felt in months. Certainly there should be more than this, is the well nearly dry? Scanning Netfix for tearjerkers while massaging the point in my neck that makes my eye wiggle hoping to induce some overflow.

Colliding with keen recognition made available to me just today, a lack so acute and whiny having to do with the desire for a partner. It says 'i am unapproachable' 'nobody wants to be with me' and my favorite 'if you are so fucking-awesome-beautifulandamazing why are you alone?' and I see the little 12 year old me wondering where my dreams would take me. I am still wondering, but from a more forgiving and truthful location.

Currently confirming the well is definitely NOT dry...it is nearly knee deep and it splashes Gratitude. I'm leaping out of that worn-out box, it doesn't fit me anymore.

This is a chance to live thee - I am allowing You to Be Your Self, because I am doing the same for myself. More Cuddle, Less Bully. Starting Now. Everyone.

Amplified accountability levels are playing out in current realm within. Multiple medicine downloads samba with intricate integrations initiating in part to relaxing festive weekending surrounded by truly magnificent people. People who make right in the world, creative, supportive, inspiring, huge-hearted life-appreciators. Evolutioning this co-creative vibe and expanding it out like a big love beam. There is great mutual respect and marvel for love's warriors on authentically integrating pathways.

Old friend struggle comes rippling, wondering where is the 'movement' where's my tangible results? Small adjustment reminder in whole-being-knowing that it IS indeed happening and WE are making it happen. A conscious human created kundalini snake-wave of energy is uncoiling (to great applause and excitement!) Practitioners owning their power, and wielding it with precise intention while the victim mentality gets tossed in Shiva's recycling bin. This shared cosmic joke is an opportunity to connect and enjoy ourselves in the pool of oneness. The upright insignificants of the universe. We are an energy flow choosing how we wish to exist in the flow. 

Will it be Upright or Uptight for you today, sir? Dunno...let me check my iPhone first..

Communicating compassionately with my arm-crossed stubborn loitering doubt. Senses simply lagging behind in the truth-felt-knowing. Perhaps my cones and rods need to 'see' and calculate its realness. Elongated periods of seeing via pituitary eye change the viewpoint from Cyclops to Brahma. Does confidence have its own vibration? It has been known to waiver in context. I ease up on it and let it wander around for a bit...see where it wants to be before nudging it on like the overlooked wallflower wishing to dance with cute boys. Awkward processing integration and practice is multi-level and ever tumbling in and out. Endurance leads to gratitude and a glimpse of grace in elegant motion.  

Opportunities to practice abound in shared living spaces. Integrity training with the two Ryans and Parker, who school me and put up with my annoyed self. Mindful men holding space and serving the feminine with balance to the point of the complete transparency of me, exposing my courageous heart, testing my consistency in honor and self-responsibility. One Ryan allows pressure-less space, merely nodding with fixed eyes. Parker just outright corrects in Texan twang, while other Ryan's questions hang mid-air...

'how does that make you feel?

'is that what you really wanted to say?' 

makes for one confounded little monkey

Learning to navigate the magic gateway of the heart through harmoniacal means, feeling lucky to have the setup (that I called in), while examining the mechanics of what creates zero ruffle vs. what is reaction-inducing. Feeling fully the irritation and tip-toe talking through it as if I had never before put words together in a sentence. 

Subtle changes in voice are detected when not really meaning it, throat slips out of resonance and changes pitch. C'mon Sag, pause and think about what is coming out of this mouth. Reactions fly out like a bat from its cave, speeding away so fast I cannot catch it. Shit. Ah, right, I can apologize, I can clarify, I can rephrase, redo, in any moment, in every moment, especially when I am offered the space to do so as a reflection and a chance to dance.it.out.