Every city has a unique energy, provoking movement in uncertain directions whether we like it or not, souls at the mercy of the vibrations making up the cosmos. Toasty Miami Beach inviting the integration that is currently sandblasting me, dazzled and dizzied by powerful downloads due to reconnections with my jedi love warrior tribe. Sure yes Miami is a playground, and it is exactly in this play/rest place where information is processed and elevated.
Between Venice and South Beaches, I visited family in New Jersey. Incessant motherly begging to stay 5 days instead of 4, trading alone time accompanied by sanity, time turtled its way over the weekend. Increasingly on frustrating verge of that damned unreachable finish line - of laughter and detached glee, respecting the path of these outrageous familia universally chosen for me. Painfully obvious fear responses on override, coupled with the Italian ancestric way of yelling over each other, extreme words covered in either habanero sauce or glacier temps thrown and masked as love jabs, and the most asked question is why?
Why indeed? Taking mental walks while bearing witness to this cracked comedy ensemble, feeling the pinnacle of distance which has always felt at least like South East Asia, now seeming more like Pluto. Halfway through an extended version of 'who is sick and dying' I was trying not to cry. Not at the misfortune of faceless beloveds, but of the idea that real disease is being caught up in such smallness of life, in constant survival mode, but left without tools or instructions. Instead, in its place falsified instructions leaving one stuck not knowing what is truth. It was only day three.
Phone lighting up nanoseconds after setting my gaze upon it. It's from Mexico! It is the lovely monkey-bull friend from Burning Man and beyond. Double activated manifesting skills are carrying me to Southern Baja California, where he lives and runs a yoga center/organic restaurant and I am cruising down there to write a book. His timing is impeccable, as I was finishing a brief and beautiful description of him to my curiously cute grandmother predictably inquiring if or how many boyfriends do I have.
He supported me and made me laugh as I apologized stupidly and repeatedly, thanking him for being life-preserver, because the moment of drowning was heel scrapingly evident. He was probably not expecting a drooling, sputtering, desperate shell of what he formerly recognized. Hearing and acting on telepathic smoke signals filled me with a sense of being supported and loved, so divine our connection and timing.
I slink into the Atlantic, winter sun warming my bare back, relaxing into oblivion and no thought, breathing with mama ocean. Sand accepting undesired energies leaving me while central nervous system harmonizes itself to beach rhythms. Shifting realizations showing me venerable and antiquated patterns, tugging like a 2 year old on a pant leg. If you pay attention to it, it runs up the leg and bites you in the ass! Judgment issues plague me for another round, but in markedly increased detachment than previously. Live and let live, deep breath to send it back to the universe's recycling bin.
04 November 2010
A sincere questioning occurring in grateful self-awareness asking 'how long can I sustain this seemingly 'good' flow? Smoothness on track until the universe decides to pull levers and switch gears. Variations keeping the toetips strong and activated. Challenge is holding one's perception even when there is belief of being 'out of it'. We are always 'in it'. The navigation of such is what the living meditation is about.
David is model hot and hyper weird yet drool inspiring due to big galactic talk and Eurotrash flair. Upon meeting, he thinking I was into him, gave attitude and snarky Leo remarks. I smile and prove otherwise by seeing him and letting him be 'him' in my presence. Enjoying the removal of ambiguous sexual tension between us, allowing myself to be me instead of trying to sway him with contrived wiles, and in the end he crushing on me and my unique philosophies. Former patterns would have had me pulling for his time and attention, but I am no longer attracted to crazy in the guise of patchy cosmic consciousness.
Desire to cuddle for cuddling sake showed up in the form of Parker. A double Leo, guitar carrying, song singing, cuddle bunny extraordinaire. Parker returning from a loopy journey in NorCal working on farms, getting high and tan, returning to Venice and finding his truck towed. An entire day spent running comic errands between car parts shops and erotic Halloween stores, he reflecting and laughing about his 500 dollar mistake in trusting someone he loved to move a car without a running battery. Our bond growing stronger as I point out patterns, he grateful in return for honesty and presence free of judgment. Similar in vibration and awareness, I am also grateful for such a friend as this. Passing intimately sexless time with Parker is both healing and accelerating me into a place of steady presence and close to zero mind chatter. I rest in Self slightly in disbelief observing extended clear space where stories once resided, and present to the fact irritations will soon arise for continuing mind interludes.
I ride my bicycle many miles on the beach path integrating and noticing clear activation of a shift in physical being. In my body, symmetry arrives and pain dissipates as profound revolutions burst through.
Parker and I are creative maniacs without much structure and displays of unabashed laziness. We are hiding behind fears of success and owning up to our greatness. Combined lack of self confidence pushed to edges into moments of overwhelming emotion and transformation. We meditate and summon actions to be taken in projecting our superpowers and crystallizing our dreams into reality. We inspire each other into living in the space of our outstanding and remarkable selves.
The importance and necessity to keep 'doing' while staying present to all fluctuations requires commitment and the pouring of love into every detail procuring blessed journeys in perfect personal time. There is nowhere to go when the present is always now. Strategies forming, dotted with markers of self-appreciation, relaxation and review moving into the flow which continues endlessly, only changing in form or context.
David is model hot and hyper weird yet drool inspiring due to big galactic talk and Eurotrash flair. Upon meeting, he thinking I was into him, gave attitude and snarky Leo remarks. I smile and prove otherwise by seeing him and letting him be 'him' in my presence. Enjoying the removal of ambiguous sexual tension between us, allowing myself to be me instead of trying to sway him with contrived wiles, and in the end he crushing on me and my unique philosophies. Former patterns would have had me pulling for his time and attention, but I am no longer attracted to crazy in the guise of patchy cosmic consciousness.
Desire to cuddle for cuddling sake showed up in the form of Parker. A double Leo, guitar carrying, song singing, cuddle bunny extraordinaire. Parker returning from a loopy journey in NorCal working on farms, getting high and tan, returning to Venice and finding his truck towed. An entire day spent running comic errands between car parts shops and erotic Halloween stores, he reflecting and laughing about his 500 dollar mistake in trusting someone he loved to move a car without a running battery. Our bond growing stronger as I point out patterns, he grateful in return for honesty and presence free of judgment. Similar in vibration and awareness, I am also grateful for such a friend as this. Passing intimately sexless time with Parker is both healing and accelerating me into a place of steady presence and close to zero mind chatter. I rest in Self slightly in disbelief observing extended clear space where stories once resided, and present to the fact irritations will soon arise for continuing mind interludes.
I ride my bicycle many miles on the beach path integrating and noticing clear activation of a shift in physical being. In my body, symmetry arrives and pain dissipates as profound revolutions burst through.
Parker and I are creative maniacs without much structure and displays of unabashed laziness. We are hiding behind fears of success and owning up to our greatness. Combined lack of self confidence pushed to edges into moments of overwhelming emotion and transformation. We meditate and summon actions to be taken in projecting our superpowers and crystallizing our dreams into reality. We inspire each other into living in the space of our outstanding and remarkable selves.
The importance and necessity to keep 'doing' while staying present to all fluctuations requires commitment and the pouring of love into every detail procuring blessed journeys in perfect personal time. There is nowhere to go when the present is always now. Strategies forming, dotted with markers of self-appreciation, relaxation and review moving into the flow which continues endlessly, only changing in form or context.
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